Confessions of a sub escort based in London
It’s all about the control. Subs gladly give up their autonomy to their Dominant partners, and their Dominant lover is supposed to respect their rules and restrictions. Some subs are very obedient while others require training. Emerging a safe, healthy Dom/sub relationship takes a long time, and sometimes it can be really hard, but eventually the subs are in total control by their masters.
There’s no such thing as a regular Dom/sub relationship. This kind of relationships do not include the things we usually in our favorite movies on a lazy Sunday evening. They do not pronoun as a sweetheart each other, that’s for sure. Common titles for subs include slave, pet, bitch, toy, sissy, and whore, and Master, Sir, Owner, Mistress, Goddess, Princess, and Queen, are all typical titles for Dom/mes. There are three basic ways of a Dom/sub relationship: bedroom, lifestyle, and professional. A bedroom D/s connection involves the people setting limits for when they take on Dom/me and sub roles. This can include couples who sometimes get into kink, people who play sessions frequently, and those who only are active at parties and dungeons. The limits are strict and they include only sex.
The rest of the time, they act like all the casual 21st-century couples. Lifestyle Dom/sub relationships are the most passionate. Slaves and pets are the most common type of lifestyle subs. Lifestyle kinksters live their roles all day long. Subs often accept to keep it normal in the workplace, but when they return at home with their lovers, they involve in their roles. Hiring an expert is pretty self-clarifying – you pay someone else for their services as a Dom/me, sub, or switch. Professional subs talk to their customers and set the rules and limits before a scene. Flexibility is important, and you must have a serious understanding of your limits.
Misconceptions about Dom/sub Relationships
There’s a widespread theory that all submissives are broken people that suffered abuse as kids and that all Dom/mes are weird people who are willing to take advantage of them. Yes, some submissives and Dominants have experienced abuse, but a Dom/sub bond is not totally abusive. As a person who has not experienced sexual abuse, had no reason to associate the BDSM experiences with trauma until very recently.
I’m concerned with the effect of 50 Shades of Grey on novice kinksters because it shows a Dom that does not respect his sub’s safe word which is considered to be as the biggest mistake in the BDSM world. While I definitely understand the approach, I wish 50 Shades had presented readers with a better example. I wish this book had influenced all the people who are interested to know a lot about the BDSM world in a more realistic way. Also, most couples don’t use a bond unless they’re 24/7 kinksters.
Knowing The Right Dom
First, you need to have overlapping interests. A Dom who desires a submissive slave will not be happy with a resistant brat, and a masochistic sub will not be satisfied with a Dom who doesn’t like pain play. The strongest relationships I’ve seen developed are within the members of the kink community. I believe it’s vital for subs to have other kinksters in their social circle so that they can keep an eye on one another. I was in love with a man who was behaving in a really bad way and I wouldn’t manage to end this situation if my friends didn’t tell me with obvious facts that I was manipulated in every way by this guy. I’ve been lucky that this period of my life which associated with that Dom only lasted for nine months. You don’t have to be in love with your Dom in order to have a satisfying, meaningful affair. Things are simpler than they usually sound.
Common BDSM Acts
The most common BDSM acts include total control like bondage with ropes, handcuffs, tape, cuffs and collars. The fantasy games like rape play, role-play, power-reversals like a secretary dominating her boss, assuming of sexual control, like forced oral sex, pegging – anal with a strap-on for men, cuckolding , when partner pursues sexual relationships outside of partnership, chastity, and verbal and physical humiliation and filth are the most adorable ones. Pain play is used by sadists and masochists and usually includes paddling, spanking, whips, rubbing toys, needles, and electricity. Pet roles – pony play, puppy play and age play are more specific relationship styles.
Safe words must always be respected. Some people choose a single word for “stop” while others use words of colors like red-yellow-green (stop, slow down, keep going), just like the traffic lights.
Types of Punishments
Each connection comes with its own set of instructions. The rules are really important if you want to have fun into the BDSM world. For many subs, pain is the most preferred form of punishment. Spanking is the most usual method of causing pain. Other methods include whipping, paddling, caning, slavery, and scratching. However, painful actions are not always performed for disciplinary aims.
For some subs, especially non-masochists, tasks like sitting in a sore place, extra exercises (“drop and give me twenty!”), and doing something awkward are often used as punishments. You can be a masochist and not be submissive, and you don’t have to be masochistic to be a sub.
You should always remember that whatever is your selected role you need to totally approve that and do not force yourself to do things you do not want to or things that make you feel you are in danger. It is all about the pleasure and this is what you should look for. And everyone who takes part in this, should respect it.